i've been thinking a lot lately about fear and where it originates for me. many consider me fearless in a conventional sort of way--i climb, mountain bike, ski, participate in what many consider "high risk" activities. my mom still cringes at the thought, more so at the fact that my scarred knuckles and legs aren't very lady-like. i was a lost cause pretty early on regardless of how many dresses or bows were put in my hair.
those closer to me know i am not completely without fear when it comes to these activities, like everyone else i have mental hurtles. one of the most recurring hurtles is going out with other adventurers. i fall into the unfortunate cycle of comparison which at times leads to me sidelining myself from an activity i love. am i going to be as fast as that guy? will i just be holding up the group? more simply put a fear of failure.
i like a quote i recently read, "we aren't competing with other women [or men], ultimately, but with ourselves -- with how we think of ourselves" (Emily V. Gordon). i like this quote because it pointedly states that fear of failure i have is derived from no where/one else then me. the competition within ourselves of comparison is a mental slippery slope that only gets slicker with time. breaking out of the cycle, breaking out of excessive introspective thoughts is key--and normally where reality hits. reality that in the end it all comes down to a common love for being outdoors or whatever other situation. ironically i'm one who falls into this trap when i'm the one who so often is trying to pull friends away from it. the more friends (male or female) i can get out to enjoy the things i love, the greater our circle grows. some of the greatest experiences i have to look back on are from experiences where i've been out of my comfort zone, or where i've been out with friends outside of their comfort zone. some experiences i regret not having are the ones i've missed out from not overcoming a mental hurtle.
we all have hurtles, hopefully too many aren't self-inflicted.